Louis Grube Dot Com

List of people who are really fucking up today.

1) Middle Eastern leaders who would like the US to intervene against the Iranian nuke program.  This morning I heard quotes suggesting that the US should bomb Tehran or alternately that the US should (again) create an Iranian civil war.  All the heads of state in the Middle East are like, “oh shit” right now.  Way to provoke an extremely antagonistic next door neighbor with nuclear weapons guys.

2) Cute girl on the T.  You could have been smiling.  You were too cute to look like you hated everyone.

That’s it so far, but it’s only 9am…

*UPDATE*

3) I AM FUCKIN UP BY NOT WORKING ON OUTLINES!

4) Sketchy Star was fuckin up earlier by not having cranberry juice.  I want Cran-juice, not Cran-cocktail.

5) Ross Meyers only fucks up at fuckin up.  THE MAN CANNOT FUCK UP!

Remember the time Louis Grube finally moved out of Oberlin because he got into law school? That was a great Louis Grube moment.

This morning I woke up to an unexpected lack of a hangover, put on the webternets, and almost spit out my cranberry juice while reading a CNN article.  A blogger from a security blog who goes by the name “Mr. Smith” put up this awesome quote commenting on the risks of videotaping your security interactions at TSA checkpoints in an airport.

“Another important phone number to have with you is the TSA’s Office of Civil Rights at 571-227-1917. It all depends where you are and if the police or TSA agents know the law.”

Other security experts apparently agreed with Mr. Smith that the biggest problem with recording your interactions with the TSA – interactions which these days regularly test the strength of your privacy rights against their right to search your (genitals) stuff – is that these people might not understand the law in their own jurisdictions.  I think this is a sad state of affairs.

So after I (clean the cranberry juice off of myself) remind myself that this is only a potential problem, and that there may be a few law enforcement officers in the world who both know my rights and want to help protect them, I am left with a pretty general question.  Can anyone tell me why it is just completely alright for the TSA to video tape or grab my genitals after I pay for an airline ticket, but a hypothetical person paying someone to do the same outside of the air travel setting could be breaking laws against prostitution or pornography?

Can anyone tell me why small children are not free of this disgusting practice?

This just baffles me.  I am just ecstatic to be flying a lot this holiday season.  I hope that when the TSA asks to scan me, they enjoy my response.

“The TSA does not have permission to scan me.  I’m gonna have to request that you touch my balls, dude.”

Starting off…

15 days in…

Right before I shaved…

ANNNNNNNNNND GOATEEEEEEEE!!!

me:  Wouldn’t it make sense to give everyone on planes guns?
Instead of making it perfectly certain that nobody could defend themselves, why not arm everyone?

Stefan:  That’s a responsible idea.
I like that.

me:  hahaha
touche

I just noticed on a friend’s facebook wall that she believes “that things happen for a reason.”

I believe this to be not only wrong, I believe it to be a selfish view of the world.  If every event in your life happened “for a reason,” or “so that I could learn something,” then the world would essentially revolve around you.  It doesn’t.  Stop with your new age-ey “I have a purpose” shit.

Ok, so here is a list of actual beliefs I hold.

1: I believe that I will be a good lawyer regardless of my grades in law school.  It may take me a while to get there, but I look forward to spending the next several decades learning to do the job.  I realize that I have never spent more than a few years doing any one thing.  I am pumped to have an opportunity to do this finally.

2: I believe that women and men are categorically different in some respects.  I believe that men are better at some things, and I believe women are better at other things.  I also believe that it is impossible to say to an acceptable degree of certainty what things each gender does better.  I believe that I offend people by making wild conjectures about the topic.

3: I believe that I will be substance free (mostly) by the time I am thirty.  I don’t even want to be drinking caffeine.

4: I think that my home town of Oberlin is the most important place on the planet for the future of man-kind.  We started the Civil War.  We invented affordable and recyclable aluminum. We’re about to get all sustainable all up on all of your asses!

5: The Browns will win the Super Bowl in the next 5 years.

6:  I believe that I should be writing a paper.

7: I believe that this blog will never come back to haunt me.

8: I believe that family is the most important thing.  I believe that study of the law comes second, and stupid things I do come third to infinity.  Friends fit in there somewhere between one and infinity and the actual placing changes depending on the friend, the time, and the place.

9: I believe that things are only meant to be if a person means them to be.

10: I believe that the youth of today do not take love very seriously.

-LG

Pros:

I can walk everywhere.  I hate the concept of cars, and I love the potential that I could ride a bike.  I may never get over the theft of the first bike I ever built, but if that happens…  BIKE TIME!

Rent is actually pretty good.  I got a pretty great deal, but even a bad deal where I live would be alright.  You really have to be a diva to justify living in some neighborhoods considering the quality and prices available in some of the cheaper neighborhoods.

It looks a lot like Oberlin here.  If I put on music and run through the quieter parts of Cambridge, I can almost pretend that I  am running around Elm Street or Prospect Street.

I never need to drive, and I do not need cabs unless I want to stay out late.  The trains do stop at midnight.  Normally that would be a “Con,” but the city-wide bedtime is doing me good.  I get to bed on time,  and I wake up earlier.

Cons:

Law School is super hard.  I don’t think I need to elaborate.

Chicks are like “you’re weird” when I let it slip that I come from Ohio. This is the worst.  I don’t want to lie and say that I come from Brooklyn, but the ladies just never find it impressive that I come from the O!H! (I! O!)

Homeless people scare me more when I learn their quirks and I know where they “hang out.”  When I used to live in a small town, visits to the big city would give me momentary views into the world of the homeless, but it was never as creepy as what I am now familiar with.  Even worse than that, I think a few of them have started to recognize me.  I get yelled at by this lady who chills near my T stop pretty regularly when she isn’t passed out from the crack.

I have about an hour and a half less during the day because the train takes a lot of time.  That sucks.  Res ipsa loquitur.

-LG

This morning I had a class with one of my favorite professors.  Joseph Glannon is the man.  I know torts so well, and it is all his fault.  Today I said one of the dumbest things I could have.  While some of my classmates told me that they got what I meant, I was still the guy who let it slip that I though “the plaintiff in this case IS the turkey!”

This has inspired me to write down some of my favorite Glannon quotes.

“At the end of the tort rainbow, there has to be a pot of gold” – Commenting on the fact there have to be damages that you can recover from in order to actually take a torts case to trial.

“Well John, I think that when you get on the Green Line at 5 o’clock you give up all claim to person”  – Explaining how offensiveness of a touching can vary by the context.

“We are licensed to flood other people’s basements carefully.”  – Paraphrasing the Great Justice Holmes.

“There are a lawyer, a priest, and an accountant in a life raft and they have a can of beans to share.  Discussing how to open the can, the priest suggest they pray about it.  The accountant suggests they do a quick audit of the items in the life raft and then think about whether they have anything that could open the can.  The lawyer says ‘I’ve got this one!  Assume a can opener.’ ”

“The reasonable person would know that she doesn’t know.”

-LG

Remember the time Louis Grube wanted to get a substitute during a rugby match because his knees were cold? Even if it didn’t happen, that was a great Louis Grube moment.

what is laws?